My Wife, Knee Pain, & Healing

Tomorrow my wife, Amanda, is having surgery on her knee around 9-am in the morning. Please pray for her.

About 18 months ago she went in for a small meniscus repair, but the surgeon ended up removing 60% if her lateral meniscus. After rehab and physical theropy she has walked and lived in pain for the last year. Over the last six months it has increasingly gotten worse. So, we ordered another MRI and a second opinion from a leading orthopedic doctor. This physician noticed several things and immediately ordered a surgery.

We were sitting down with a friend a couple days ago and discussing this, when he said to us "You know that the doctors, the surgery, and medication won't heal you ... it's going to be Jesus."

Now, I'm so far from being a crazy, charismatic believer that runs around laying hands on everything sick and claiming healing in Jesus' name. I believe in divine healing and have witnessed it first-hand. However, we all will get sick and die one day - it's part of broken humanity and how, inevitably, Jesus brings us home to himself. But, I was taken aback by this comment.

I guess it's so easy to trust an equation. You know, an equation: this plus this equals that. Good doctor + correct surgical procedure = healed knee. When you trust the equation, you deny the ultimate foundation of it all, Jesus.

Personally, in so many cases I have chosen to trust the equation and have forgotten about trusting Jesus. Ultimately, Jesus is our healer and we need to live accepting that reality. Jesus not only heals hurt knees: he mends broken hearts, changes our minds, and restores us from our sinful & broken ways.

Its good to be reminded just who the Healer is.

home.

my wife and i just spent a week south of cancun, mexico at a little resort and spa. it was beautiful and relaxing.

counter to that ... today's my first day back at work. its nice to have something to do.

-kevin

mid-summer sickness (or germs)

last week my lovely wife came home with scratchy throat and a sinus headache. it later turned into some full-blown nastiness of a mid-summer cold. sadly for her, it fell right across her birthday, of which she spent pretty much the entirely in her bed.

the sickness then attacked me ... starting late saturday night with a brutal attack on my sleep and throat (a brilliant combination for the night before you have to speak to a congregation).

i've rested, taken the right cold medicine, and deluged my body with vitamins, and i have a sense that this sickness is leaving.

i think we pretty much live without an awareness of how much our lives affect those who are around us. the human condition is so helplessly self-centered that we rarely stop to think about how the decisions we make are going to affect others.

my wife would never do anything to hurt me; i am confident in that. however, it was the germs she carried home with her that led to my sickness.

most of the junk we carry, we picked up from someone else. its like they're germs infected us, and we walked away with the same sickness. for some of us it was our families. for some it was our friends. all of us have been infected.

i guess sharing germs is one of the prices of proximity. if you live in close proximity to someone, you're going to share germs. as much as my wife would hate to think that she gave me an illness, i would hate to be away from her that much more just to avoid it.

i guess this mid-summer sickness is just a consequence of something a lot bigger than the germs, something beautiful and broken all at the same time.

thunder.

as i type this i can hear thunder from a storm rolling through our city.  the last couple days have been filled with storms and rain.

thunder is amazing.  the percussion in the air during a lightning storm is loud and peace-shattering.  when it thunders, the air rumbles through our city shaking dishes, waking dogs to bark, and frightening little children.  thunder is unsettling.  it's forewarning a coming storm.  winds and rain are soon to follow ... and everything just might get messed up.

thunder is an awe-inspiring auditory event that everyone in a community experiences.  you can be blocks away from a friend and both have your home shaken by the rumbling of the thunder as it passes through.

as a middle-schooler i memorized the definition of thunder:

thunder is the result of a rapid expansion of the gas that surrounds the extreme heat of a lightening bolt (up to 28,000 degrees celsius).

 

when i think that Jesus said that He would rather us to be hot or cold (Rev. 3:15), i'm reminded that extreme hot and cold both cause reactions.  thunder is simply a reaction to the extreme heat of a lightening strike.

what kind of reaction is Jesus causing in your life?  if you're not close to the heat, you're not going to have a reaction, and Jesus is the catalyst to the best reactions.  

at times it's good for Jesus to come rumbling through our lives, shaking things up.  most often, that thunder precedes a storm.  thunder is a warning that gets our attention.  we know we must seek shelter when it comes rumbling through.  in the same way, when those shock-waves come rumbling through our lives, we need to seek shelter and return to Jesus through confession and repentance.  

it would change our lives if we could live with this understanding:

jesus is the lightening, and we are the thunder.

so, let's get a little closer to Jesus, and see what kind of reaction He creates in us.

Weeds.

I noticed this past week that my backyard had began to resemble a rainforest with all the rapid, tropical growth that had overtaken the space.  The weeds were getting big.  Seriously, some of them were as big as me.   I stood next to them and wondered if they thought it was odd for me to be as big as them, because I, in turn, was thinking the inverse of them.  

I know the routine: In the fall and early spring you put down a "pre-emergent" insecticide that kills a spectrum of weeds.   Then, when the growing season starts, you put down a "post-emergent" that kills everything else except the grass.  Even though I know the routine, I normally fail to provide the routine maintenance that keeps my yard healthy.  Those few little steps ensure a pretty lawn, and I normally miss them.

Consequently, every year I get surprised by the weeds.  Every year, its the same story: its cold and I'm wearing jackets ... all of a sudden my car turns yellow and my snot turns green ... not too long after that I notice the weeds.  If you don't get on the weeds before they are full grown, they can be a pain.   You have to pull them out, by the roots, because they are much tougher to kill once they start growing.  

It's normally a couple day's of "reclaiming the surrendered ground" before the yard looks like someone actually lives there and the neighbors stop staring at me.

This Saturday I was pulling the weeds, again, and thought about how following Jesus is a lot like this messy routine.  The maintenance of our relationship with Him is simple - talk, listen, and obey.  When we're faithful to that, then it's easy to remain healthy.  The weeds might be there, but they're easy to pull.

Sometimes, though, we go through periods of time when we neglect the simple routine that provides the maintenance we need.  The weeds grow and take root.  Once we realize the weeds are even there, its much too late to just simply pull them out - their roots are deep and their size is imposing.

When we wake up from our slumber, and realize how ragged things have gotten, there is one thing left to do: start pulling.  There are things worth struggling with, toiling over, and getting through.  Perhaps thats what perseverance is all about.  

My backyard is, at the moment, free from gigantic weeds.  If the weeds were inquisitive as to my plan for them, they are inquiring such no more, since they now lay, collectively, in a pile of compost that smells of bad vegetables and coffee grounds. 

Following Jesus should be messy, especially if you're strong enough to pull the weeds.

Better.

I'm feeling better.  Thanks for praying for me, and being concerned.  Last week I spent most of the time in the bed and trying to do anything to get that tennis ball dislodged from behind my nose.  I'm closer to being done with all the medication, and I feel closer a lot closer to normal.  Again ... thanks for the prayers.

Sickly.

I've been feeling pretty sickly over the last few days.  I finally went to the doctor today and have bronchitis, which isn't extremely pleasant.  I've basically been in bed for five days and don't want to talk because I cough a lot and my throat hurts.  I'm starting to feel better, and I'm sure that the drugs my physician prescribed will start taking affect soon.  

A friend of mine often says that health is one of those things that you never miss until its gone, but without it you have nothing.  He's pretty much right.  Good health flies under the radar; it's white noise.  That is, until it's gone.

When I think of the pervasive effects of good health, I'm reminded of how God's grace reaches into our lives from every angle and to every degree.  It's not something that we notice, because for most of us, it's just always been.   Grace is what hold's us together, it's what keeps us.

Every time I'm sick, there is this moment when I've returned to health and I suddenly become aware of the fact that I'm back to normal.  In that moment I embrace the gift that is good health and thank God I'm over the illness.  It's the contrast between the illness and normal life that brings out the true gift of health.

There is not such contrast between God's grace in our day to day living.  God doesn't back off and won't let us down.  There aren't moments where Jesus could have done more.  There are no days when we aren't fully and completely loved by Him.  So, it our duty, it the midst of blessing, or perceived trouble, to see His Grace and respond to Him for it.

Especially when you're sickly.

I'm Enjoying ...

Here is a quick list of stuff that I've been enjoying lately:

1.  The new ZAO benefit CD, "I Dreamed There Was A Fountain".  It's really one of the best artistic compilations I've heard in a long time.  It can be purchased by [clicking here].

2.  The "Campus Legend" mode on NCAA Football 2009.  Seriously, its remarkably addictive and so engaging.  Especially when you've been playing straight up for years.

3.  Military Shirts.  Enough said.

4.  Good coffee.  By good coffee I don't necessarily mean a brand, but more or less the experience of drinking that hot goodness in the morning.

5.  Short hair.  I've realized that the only way my head will look good again is if the hair is kept short.  

6.  Country Music.  Yes, I'm pretty serious too.  Not just the new Keith Urban stuff, but Willie, Waylon, and the boys.

7.  Beards.  I don't have to shave every day. which is an incredible advantage.  

8.  Jeans.  Lately I've been getting three or four days of use out of a single pair of jeans.  Then I spill coffee or bleed upon them, which renders them useless.  

9.  My wife.  I'm still learning what it means to be a good husband, but I'm glad I have that opportunity.

10.  The Banjo.  I recently acquired the last bluegrass instrument to complete the cycle.  I even played banjo on Sunday, which was a feat in and of itself.

tired.

I'm tired.  

I flew out on Friday morning to speak at a conference in Memphis.  It was a good opportunity to share with a group of college students that are very active and influential on their campuses. 

When I haven't traveled in while, flying really gets me nervous.  I completely loathe that first takeoff.  Once I'm up in the air, I'm OK.  But its that first take-off that gets me.   I have my own personal ways of coping with this, but the only thing you can do is sit back and let go ... right?

I guess that's a lot like life.  If you're ever going to go some where, you're going to have to risk something to get there.  You might lose, but where are you going if you do nothing?  I'm going to guess, nowhere.

This morning I led worship for our church with a group of WONDERFUL musicians and friends.  It's always fun to be here and play music with my friends.  I'm really thankful for them and the time they put in week-after-week preparing for this gig.  It is really a privilege to serve alongside them. 

This afternoon I helped with a memorial service, and tonight I'm starting a new series of lectures at our church.  

Thank God for rest. (and a great wife who does an incredible job taking care of me)

Bones.

My wife was reading a book to me as we were stuck in traffic on I-77 just south of Charlotte the other day.  Some joker fell asleep and ran into a sign along the edge of the interstate, so the North Carolina Department of Transportation shut the interstate down for the better part of the day.  Yay... memories.

The book is somewhat biographical in nature, and the story was engaging.  The writer of the book had been through a remarkable amount of trauma and consequently reconstructive surgery.  I have a six-inch screw in my left foot, so I could kind of sympathize. 

At one point during the author's recovery, his doctors instructed him that they would need to remove a metal sheath that protected his femur.  While this metal has protected his bone and gave it an opportunity to heal, it was also damaging them.

The doctors pointed out that the longer the metal plate remained, the more dependent the bone would become on the strength from the metal and the weaker it became on it's own.

While my wife was reading that to me, I was reminded of how Jesus often changes and alters the trajectory of our lives because the familiar erodes faith.  Its quite easy to trust within a context that factors to be predictable.  Real trust, the kind Jesus demands, isn't predicated on the outcome, its mandated by the person the trust is placed in.

I think we are a lot like bones.  Even good things, things that heal and restore, can, in themselves, become something we lean on for strength.  The ends of that is a whole different kind of breaking.

Sometimes, for our own good, we are made to be weak, so that through Jesus we might be made strong.  That weakness is full of hurt, pain, and struggle, but it leads to whole life.  In the end, that is what Jesus offers.

New Year.

Ok. I will blog more this new year.