My Friend Josh Walters

In the last week, our church lost a good friend.  Josh Walters, our student pastor, stepped away from ministry for a while to fight for his family.  It was one of the most remarkable decisions I've ever personally witnessed.  He walked through it with so much wisdom and strength, when everything in me would have been so frail and broken.  

Many of you don't know that Josh was a friend of mine before I came to our church.  Truth be told, he is why I came to our church.  Josh and I met after months of prodding by my friend Ed, who also goes to our church.  Ed worked with my wife and knew I was Student Pastor.  Both Josh and I didn't want to call each other or get together.  I remember Josh saying "I thought it would be just a couple guys sitting around talking about Sunday School curriculum."  That first day was crazy how we really connected on a deep level.  I would have asked him out if he were girl and I were single. 

Over the last three years I have simply cherished my friendship with him.  Not only do we see the same world, but we also see the same Jesus, which makes our relationship that much more easier.  Josh honestly makes me a better person and minister.  There is no other way to put it, really.  He is one of the handful of GREAT friends I have, and I'm thankful every time I spend time with him.  

I know I'm not losing his friendship, as a matter of fact it might just be a bit easier to be friends now.  But, I'm losing seeing him everyday.  I'm losing leading him in worship and seeing him surrender his voice, his body, and his heart to Jesus.  I'm losing sitting next to him in staff meetings and instant messaging funny things back and forth on our laptops.  I'm going to miss a lot about Josh.

I have one consolation, though.  All of those things that I'm going to miss, I'm going to miss them for a reason ... because I had the opportunity to experience them.  I've gotten to have a great friend who totally loved me and opened himself to becoming my friend.  

At the end of the Shawshank Redemption, the main character Andy escapes from a prison he didn't belong inside.  His friend, Red, is reflecting upon the loss of his friend Andy when he says "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend." 

I love Josh and will miss my friend greatly.  So fight on Josh; fight on.

Fear.

When I was little kid, night time was scary time.  I don't know if I ever claimed to see monsters.  I don't know if the boogey man ever visited my room.  What I do know is that I dealt with some of the most serious life issues man has to deal with: the imminence of death, the uncertainty of relationships, and the fragility of our health and lives.  

I think it would be odd to be a parent and get woke up in the middle of the night by a six-year-old who then spends the rest of the night trying to figure out death with you.  

Those things that are uncertain evoke responses within our hearts.  Physiologists say that these instincts are built into us and are informed from a very young age.  I think that our responses to uncertainty are decision that flows out of the posture of our heart. 

As I've grown older, I began to see that fear comes where faith doesn't ... that where faith is fear cannot reside.  In the end, uncertainty is an opportunity to trust Jesus even more.  

We are all going to face those moments filled with uncertainty.  Some of those moments will put the most precious and secure things in our lives in jeopardy, but in the end, we're all better for placing Jesus in the middle of it and letting him lift us up.  

After all, it is His elevator.

The Umbrella.

A good friend of our pastor is fond of saying "You have to get under what God has put over you, so that you can get over what God has put under you."  

I've been reminded about that a few times this week.  Culturally, rebellion is idolized.  Those who blaze their own paths and shake off the standards of the guard are heros.  Even Jesus is often seen as a rouge prophet who rebelled against the religious establishment of his day.  Jesus, however, is the head of the church, and lived a life constantly in submission to the will of the Father.

Its significant to know that many people struggle with submitting to authority in our world today.

Submission isn't an issue of trusting a leader.  

Its really an issue of trusting Jesus.

I want to live under that umbrella of Jesus.  I want to submit to him and let him shield me through his wisdom and guidance.  I want to live under the umbrella of the leadership in our church, and be blessed by their insight and shepherding.  

I want to be faithful in these things.  We all know there are things to overcome in life, and its a lot more difficult to climb when it's raining. 

Health Update

Yesterday I was at the doctor's office for a follow-up on my blood work.  They took some blood to test my liver functioning again, since it had been four weeks since the first test.  

The doctor called me this morning to let me know that the test results came back normal.  

These test results mean that I do not have anything wrong with me.  I am healthy, and health is a gift that we must be stewards of.  I am learning this now, and I thank Jesus that I have that opportunity.

My Uncle Sandy

This past Monday I traveled to North Carolina to be by my father's side at the loss of his brother, my uncle Sandy.  Sandy was my father's older brother, just 58 years old.  He was also my father's best friend.  My father retired a few years ago and moved back to the place of his roots.  Over the last few years he's gotten to experience life with his brother, and they loved each other deeply (even though they are two of the orneriest, macho men you could ever meet).

Sandy died Saturday while my sister-in-law's wedding was going on.  The news was sad, but Sandy's health had been failing for while, so it was a tad expected.  The viewing was Monday and the funeral was Tuesday.  

Part of being there with my dad for the funeral was being around my extended family.  Over the last several years I've spent some serious time diving into my family history, particularly extended family (grandparents and great-grandparents) and how they helped make me who I am.  Most of that time, I've spent focusing on how they gave me the problems and struggles that I carry today.  But, thats really only part of the story.

While I was there I saw family members that I haven't seen in years: Cousins, Aunts, & Uncles.  Some of them looked remarkably older, most of them have children, but they've all grown up.

In them I saw something that I really haven't given much attention to: they love each other.  You could see it in how they talked to each other, and to me (who many hadn't seen in a long time).  You could hear the love in what they remembered about each other.  

There is this beautiful section of writing in one of the Apostle Paul's letter's to the Corinthians where he talks about being someone who loves.  In only the brilliance that he could share, he reminds us that you are nothing if you are not loved and do not love.  He closes the chapter by reminding that for those who love and follow Jesus there are three postures of our heart that never change: faith, hope, and love.  He closes by reminding that love is the greatest of these.  You know, in the end, love really does win.  

When my father walked out of the room after spending a few last minutes with the body of his brother he cried, bitterly.  I was reminded then that my father has this beautiful gift of loving completely.  I've never wondered if he loved me.  I've never doubted it.  It was always there.  I admire that about him, and it's something he taught me to do.

If there was something to hang your hat on in a family, I guess thats just about as good place as any, to love each other, because, in the end, love outlasts a multitude of other pursuits and is far more valuable.

Banksy

Recently I discovered an artist that I've really fallen in love with.  His name is Banksy.  He is an obscure British graffiti artist who lives in anonymity and makes some of the sweetest art ever in the most ridiculous places.  

Here are some of the pictures I shared with our church on Sunday:

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Update on my medical condition:

Since the ultrasound came back clear, the doctor is going to continue to monitor my blood work for a while.  It is certain that I do not have cancer, hepititus, or some of the other deadly causes of the raised levels.  At this time I continuing to pray for normal results in my next blood test.  I've taken all the procautions I can ... I am eating good and I'm working out.  So, grace is still amazing and I'm looking forward to praising Jesus when this is over.

Grace. Revisited.

This past week my wife, Amanda, and I were on vacation.  It was a whirlwind tour that took us through Ohio for a wedding, a couple days with our parents in rural North Carolina, and then two stops in costal towns along the North Carolina coast.  It was romantic, refreshing, and restful.  

Vacations always provide an opportunity for me to grow, personally.  Whether it is marital conflict or dealing with financial problems or distance management of a ministry ... vacations have always seemed to have provided a significant amount of conflict, both relationally and internally. 

I suppose this year wouldn't be vacation without such tension.

Our first official day of vacation, Monday, brought a call from my doctor in response to blood work from a physical I had the week before.  The tests showed that something wasn't right inside of me, something very serious.  There was no diagnosis or even a hint of diagnosis in the phone call.  There was no doctor with a chart and a prescription.  There was just the lingering knowledge that something inside my body wasn't right.

For the first time in my life, I had to process through a scenario where my body could be failing me.  I thought about death and dying, about how I had mistreated myself through eating too much and not working out like I should, and about how irreplaceable health is.  

I wanted to relax.  I wanted to vacation.  I got that gift instead.

I also started reading a new book over vacation.  It's not a quick read by any means, which normally means its something that I'll love.  I love when people make things complicated.  I love reading books that split hairs and draw conclusions.  However, this book isn't one of this books.

This book is about grace.

I forget about grace a lot.  I forget how expensive it was.  It was so expensive it cost God his only Son, Jesus.  I forget how expensive it was and try to pay for it a lot.  I try to be good enough.  I try to work hard an earn the favor.  

I try.  But I fail.  

I fail.

Grace is simply getting something you did not earn and you do not deserve.  Life through Jesus is something I do not deserve.  It is certainly something I cannot earn.

This week was a week of grace.  Throughout the week I began to hear the voice of the Savior earnestly reminding me that it is His worth and work that makes me right.  That I am eternally bound to him as Redeemer.  

Throughout the week it felt as though the knots of selfishness, pride, and fear were loosened inside my head as I began to re-experience His grace. 

This grace really is amazing.

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A medical explanation of my report:

There are two enzymes that naturally occur in your blood from your liver.  They are called ALT and AST.  When these levels are increased it means that there has been damage to your liver.  The normal levels for these enzymes are between 10-60; mine were around 180, more than double the normal amounts.

There are several things that could cause this: gaining weight and having fat deposits in your lives, the onset of Hepatitis A or B, medications can do this as a side effect, or it could be cancer.

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An update on my medical condition:

On Monday I had an ultra-sound of my internal organs.  They were looking for everything from abnormalities to tumors, to enlargements in my lymphatic system.  It was very stressful.

On Wednesday morning I received a call from the Doctor.  Everything is clear, and my insides looked completely normal.  This is a huge answer to prayer.

I will go in a couple of weeks and have my blood checked again.  In the meantime I am recommitting myself to my health and thanking Jesus for the opportunity to do so.