Life On The Elevator

NEW CONSOLIDATED BLOG

2010-07-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

I'm moving all of my blogs together to one place: kevinsimmonsblog.com

Check out the updates there from now on.

-kevin

Road Trip

2010-03-06T10:51:00.000-08:00

Amanda and I spend saturdays together. Today we are planning a furniture shopping roadtrip to Charlotte and IKEA. She's still getting ready, which is worth waiting for. In the meantime Iade a few mixtape CDs for the day.

Coming Back

2010-03-01T10:55:00.001-08:00

I have been a horrible blogger over the last six months. I publicly repent and ask for your forgiveness.

Looking back here are the reasons why I've been silent:

My wife had surgery and I needed to take care of her.
I have been working on an album which is almost completed.
I took a half of a month, went half way around the world to China and distributed bibles because I love Jesus and love His Word.
Christmas.
Our church is growing and being presented with new opportunities that have taken a bit of time for me to work on.

Here is what I'm going to work on this week for my blog-following friends:

Update Posts Covering the Following:

Our family & What we're up to
My trip to China (complete with some pictures)
My album project.
Our church.

Thank you all for continuing to check my blog and ask me to update it. Please keep praying.

Love you.

-kevin

My Wife, Knee Pain, & Healing

2009-09-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my wife, Amanda, is having surgery on her knee around 9-am in the morning. Please pray for her.

About 18 months ago she went in for a small meniscus repair, but the surgeon ended up removing 60% if her lateral meniscus. After rehab and physical theropy she has walked and lived in pain for the last year. Over the last six months it has increasingly gotten worse. So, we ordered another MRI and a second opinion from a leading orthopedic doctor. This physician noticed several things and immediately ordered a surgery.

We were sitting down with a friend a couple days ago and discussing this, when he said to us "You know that the doctors, the surgery, and medication won't heal you ... it's going to be Jesus."

Now, I'm so far from being a crazy, charismatic believer that runs around laying hands on everything sick and claiming healing in Jesus' name. I believe in divine healing and have witnessed it first-hand. However, we all will get sick and die one day - it's part of broken humanity and how, inevitably, Jesus brings us home to himself. But, I was taken aback by this comment.

I guess it's so easy to trust an equation. You know, an equation: this plus this equals that. Good doctor + correct surgical procedure = healed knee. When you trust the equation, you deny the ultimate foundation of it all, Jesus.

Personally, in so many cases I have chosen to trust the equation and have forgotten about trusting Jesus. Ultimately, Jesus is our healer and we need to live accepting that reality. Jesus not only heals hurt knees: he mends broken hearts, changes our minds, and restores us from our sinful & broken ways.

Its good to be reminded just who the Healer is.

home.

2009-08-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

my wife and i just spent a week south of cancun, mexico at a little resort and spa. it was beautiful and relaxing.

counter to that ... today's my first day back at work. its nice to have something to do.

-kevin

mid-summer sickness (or germs)

2009-07-29T11:27:00.001-07:00

last week my lovely wife came home with scratchy throat and a sinus headache. it later turned into some full-blown nastiness of a mid-summer cold. sadly for her, it fell right across her birthday, of which she spent pretty much the entirely in her bed.

the sickness then attacked me ... starting late saturday night with a brutal attack on my sleep and throat (a brilliant combination for the night before you have to speak to a congregation).

i've rested, taken the right cold medicine, and deluged my body with vitamins, and i have a sense that this sickness is leaving.

i think we pretty much live without an awareness of how much our lives affect those who are around us. the human condition is so helplessly self-centered that we rarely stop to think about how the decisions we make are going to affect others.

my wife would never do anything to hurt me; i am confident in that. however, it was the germs she carried home with her that led to my sickness.

most of the junk we carry, we picked up from someone else. its like they're germs infected us, and we walked away with the same sickness. for some of us it was our families. for some it was our friends. all of us have been infected.

i guess sharing germs is one of the prices of proximity. if you live in close proximity to someone, you're going to share germs. as much as my wife would hate to think that she gave me an illness, i would hate to be away from her that much more just to avoid it.

i guess this mid-summer sickness is just a consequence of something a lot bigger than the germs, something beautiful and broken all at the same time.

thunder.

2009-04-14T06:59:00.000-07:00

as i type this i can hear thunder from a storm rolling through our city. the last couple days have been filled with storms and rain.

thunder is amazing. the percussion in the air during a lightning storm is loud and peace-shattering. when it thunders, the air rumbles through our city shaking dishes, waking dogs to bark, and frightening little children. thunder is unsettling. it's forewarning a coming storm. winds and rain are soon to follow ... and everything just might get messed up.

thunder is an awe-inspiring auditory event that everyone in a community experiences. you can be blocks away from a friend and both have your home shaken by the rumbling of the thunder as it passes through.

as a middle-schooler i memorized the definition of thunder:

thunder is the result of a rapid expansion of the gas that surrounds the extreme heat of a lightening bolt (up to 28,000 degrees celsius).

when i think that Jesus said that He would rather us to be hot or cold (Rev. 3:15), i'm reminded that extreme hot and cold both cause reactions. thunder is simply a reaction to the extreme heat of a lightening strike.

what kind of reaction is Jesus causing in your life? if you're not close to the heat, you're not going to have a reaction, and Jesus is the catalyst to the best reactions.

at times it's good for Jesus to come rumbling through our lives, shaking things up. most often, that thunder precedes a storm. thunder is a warning that gets our attention. we know we must seek shelter when it comes rumbling through. in the same way, when those shock-waves come rumbling through our lives, we need to seek shelter and return to Jesus through confession and repentance.

it would change our lives if we could live with this understanding:

jesus is the lightening, and we are the thunder.

so, let's get a little closer to Jesus, and see what kind of reaction He creates in us.

Weeds.

2009-04-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

I noticed this past week that my backyard had began to resemble a rainforest with all the rapid, tropical growth that had overtaken the space. The weeds were getting big. Seriously, some of them were as big as me. I stood next to them and wondered if they thought it was odd for me to be as big as them, because I, in turn, was thinking the inverse of them.

I know the routine: In the fall and early spring you put down a "pre-emergent" insecticide that kills a spectrum of weeds. Then, when the growing season starts, you put down a "post-emergent" that kills everything else except the grass. Even though I know the routine, I normally fail to provide the routine maintenance that keeps my yard healthy. Those few little steps ensure a pretty lawn, and I normally miss them.

Consequently, every year I get surprised by the weeds. Every year, its the same story: its cold and I'm wearing jackets ... all of a sudden my car turns yellow and my snot turns green ... not too long after that I notice the weeds. If you don't get on the weeds before they are full grown, they can be a pain. You have to pull them out, by the roots, because they are much tougher to kill once they start growing.

It's normally a couple day's of "reclaiming the surrendered ground" before the yard looks like someone actually lives there and the neighbors stop staring at me.

This Saturday I was pulling the weeds, again, and thought about how following Jesus is a lot like this messy routine. The maintenance of our relationship with Him is simple - talk, listen, and obey. When we're faithful to that, then it's easy to remain healthy. The weeds might be there, but they're easy to pull.

Sometimes, though, we go through periods of time when we neglect the simple routine that provides the maintenance we need. The weeds grow and take root. Once we realize the weeds are even there, its much too late to just simply pull them out - their roots are deep and their size is imposing.

When we wake up from our slumber, and realize how ragged things have gotten, there is one thing left to do: start pulling. There are things worth struggling with, toiling over, and getting through. Perhaps thats what perseverance is all about.

My backyard is, at the moment, free from gigantic weeds. If the weeds were inquisitive as to my plan for them, they are inquiring such no more, since they now lay, collectively, in a pile of compost that smells of bad vegetables and coffee grounds.

Following Jesus should be messy, especially if you're strong enough to pull the weeds.

Better.

2009-02-16T09:19:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling better. Thanks for praying for me, and being concerned. Last week I spent most of the time in the bed and trying to do anything to get that tennis ball dislodged from behind my nose. I'm closer to being done with all the medication, and I feel closer a lot closer to normal. Again ... thanks for the prayers.

Sickly.

2009-02-10T11:14:00.001-08:00

I've been feeling pretty sickly over the last few days. I finally went to the doctor today and have bronchitis, which isn't extremely pleasant. I've basically been in bed for five days and don't want to talk because I cough a lot and my throat hurts. I'm starting to feel better, and I'm sure that the drugs my physician prescribed will start taking affect soon.

A friend of mine often says that health is one of those things that you never miss until its gone, but without it you have nothing. He's pretty much right. Good health flies under the radar; it's white noise. That is, until it's gone.

When I think of the pervasive effects of good health, I'm reminded of how God's grace reaches into our lives from every angle and to every degree. It's not something that we notice, because for most of us, it's just always been. Grace is what hold's us together, it's what keeps us.

Every time I'm sick, there is this moment when I've returned to health and I suddenly become aware of the fact that I'm back to normal. In that moment I embrace the gift that is good health and thank God I'm over the illness. It's the contrast between the illness and normal life that brings out the true gift of health.

There is not such contrast between God's grace in our day to day living. God doesn't back off and won't let us down. There aren't moments where Jesus could have done more. There are no days when we aren't fully and completely loved by Him. So, it our duty, it the midst of blessing, or perceived trouble, to see His Grace and respond to Him for it.

Especially when you're sickly.

I'm Enjoying ...

2009-01-29T11:32:00.000-08:00

Here is a quick list of stuff that I've been enjoying lately:

1. The new ZAO benefit CD, "I Dreamed There Was A Fountain". It's really one of the best artistic compilations I've heard in a long time. It can be purchased by [clicking here].

2. The "Campus Legend" mode on NCAA Football 2009. Seriously, its remarkably addictive and so engaging. Especially when you've been playing straight up for years.

3. Military Shirts. Enough said.

4. Good coffee. By good coffee I don't necessarily mean a brand, but more or less the experience of drinking that hot goodness in the morning.

5. Short hair. I've realized that the only way my head will look good again is if the hair is kept short.

6. Country Music. Yes, I'm pretty serious too. Not just the new Keith Urban stuff, but Willie, Waylon, and the boys.

7. Beards. I don't have to shave every day. which is an incredible advantage.

8. Jeans. Lately I've been getting three or four days of use out of a single pair of jeans. Then I spill coffee or bleed upon them, which renders them useless.

9. My wife. I'm still learning what it means to be a good husband, but I'm glad I have that opportunity.

10. The Banjo. I recently acquired the last bluegrass instrument to complete the cycle. I even played banjo on Sunday, which was a feat in and of itself.

tired.

2009-01-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

I'm tired.

I flew out on Friday morning to speak at a conference in Memphis. It was a good opportunity to share with a group of college students that are very active and influential on their campuses.

When I haven't traveled in while, flying really gets me nervous. I completely loathe that first takeoff. Once I'm up in the air, I'm OK. But its that first take-off that gets me. I have my own personal ways of coping with this, but the only thing you can do is sit back and let go ... right?

I guess that's a lot like life. If you're ever going to go some where, you're going to have to risk something to get there. You might lose, but where are you going if you do nothing? I'm going to guess, nowhere.

This morning I led worship for our church with a group of WONDERFUL musicians and friends. It's always fun to be here and play music with my friends. I'm really thankful for them and the time they put in week-after-week preparing for this gig. It is really a privilege to serve alongside them.

This afternoon I helped with a memorial service, and tonight I'm starting a new series of lectures at our church.

Thank God for rest. (and a great wife who does an incredible job taking care of me)

Bones.

2009-01-21T20:03:00.000-08:00

My wife was reading a book to me as we were stuck in traffic on I-77 just south of Charlotte the other day. Some joker fell asleep and ran into a sign along the edge of the interstate, so the North Carolina Department of Transportation shut the interstate down for the better part of the day. Yay... memories.

The book is somewhat biographical in nature, and the story was engaging. The writer of the book had been through a remarkable amount of trauma and consequently reconstructive surgery. I have a six-inch screw in my left foot, so I could kind of sympathize.

At one point during the author's recovery, his doctors instructed him that they would need to remove a metal sheath that protected his femur. While this metal has protected his bone and gave it an opportunity to heal, it was also damaging them.

The doctors pointed out that the longer the metal plate remained, the more dependent the bone would become on the strength from the metal and the weaker it became on it's own.

While my wife was reading that to me, I was reminded of how Jesus often changes and alters the trajectory of our lives because the familiar erodes faith. Its quite easy to trust within a context that factors to be predictable. Real trust, the kind Jesus demands, isn't predicated on the outcome, its mandated by the person the trust is placed in.

I think we are a lot like bones. Even good things, things that heal and restore, can, in themselves, become something we lean on for strength. The ends of that is a whole different kind of breaking.

Sometimes, for our own good, we are made to be weak, so that through Jesus we might be made strong. That weakness is full of hurt, pain, and struggle, but it leads to whole life. In the end, that is what Jesus offers.

New Year.

2009-01-13T16:47:00.000-08:00

Ok. I will blog more this new year.

Ugly Mug.

2008-10-21T12:16:00.001-07:00

I have officially changed my brewing preferences. I was a traditional Starbucks kinda guy ... go to the store by the pound of coffee and grind it at home. Sumatra. Gold Coast. Something bold and clean. I have found a coffee that I now choose to brew at home instead. Of coarse, when I'm out I still go get a cup of coffee at Starbucks. At home, though, its now "Ugly Mug" for me.

The following ads should convey why (especially if you know me personally):

Alone.

2008-10-20T12:25:00.000-07:00

My friends at work are gone to China for two weeks to distribute bibles, legally, which has left me alone to work at our church. I'm proud of what they're doing; it's important and lives will be changed because of it. They've been gone a week and are scheduled to return on Saturday night (late).

My wife left yesterday afternoon to go visit her sister, who is moving to Las Vegas in a few days. Along with her sister and her mother, they had planned to spend last night and today together. She'll be back late tonight.

Although I've been alone, I have not been lonely.

My first reaction to being alone is calling friends and family to catch up. I've done that, of coarse. After a while, I feel caught-up, though, and that desire to just gab really just leaves. Normally that ends with an odd depression filled with loneliness.

Now, while today has been remarkably productive due to the solitude. Today hasn't been lonely. It hasn't been lonely because even though I'm alone, I'm not alone.

I feel ashamed that I so often overlook the eternal presence of Jesus with me. I'm not talking about Jesus residing with us in some judgmental way where he's looking at my every move waiting for me to do something unworthy of his affection and attention. I'm talking about the One who called me his "friend", and simply wants me trust and follow him.

I'm grateful that the God who created the universe, formed the stars, sun, and earth, that this God desires knowing me so much that He literally has taken residence up in my life.

That's friendship. That's reason enough to not be lonely.

brownies.

2008-10-17T19:12:00.001-07:00

oh. and i love brownies.

Running Upstairs.

2008-10-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

I noticed a while back that I tend to run when I'm heading up stairs. When I was younger we used to pick on people walking up the stairs on the bleachers at football games, because there is no way to walk up stairs and look cool or happy or energetic. With one exception: to run up them.

I think life is full of stairs to climb, hurdles to get over, and obstacles to overcome. Most of them are difficult and painful, and, honestly, most of us look bored and pained while we go through them. However, if we face our fears, own up to our problems, and admit our brokenness there is a momentum that carries us through the problem to wholeness on the other side.

The momentum that carries us through these problems comes from the realization that we need Jesus. When facing problems or brokenness, we have the opportunity to see Jesus at the top of the stairs, at the end of the fight, in the outcome of the problem.

To me, that is a good reason to run up the stairs.

The Office & The Olympics

2008-08-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

Ok ... I admit it. I LOVE "THE OFFICE". Its just so witty and entertaining. Although, I must admit, the first two or three times I watched it, it took a bit to draw me in. The storylines are not complex and are so easy to relate to.

During the Olympics, NBC ran a couple commercials that I loved promo-ing the new season of the Office. I'm stoked and I wanted to share.

My Friend Josh Walters

2008-08-16T20:33:00.001-07:00

In the last week, our church lost a good friend. Josh Walters, our student pastor, stepped away from ministry for a while to fight for his family. It was one of the most remarkable decisions I've ever personally witnessed. He walked through it with so much wisdom and strength, when everything in me would have been so frail and broken.

Many of you don't know that Josh was a friend of mine before I came to our church. Truth be told, he is why I came to our church. Josh and I met after months of prodding by my friend Ed, who also goes to our church. Ed worked with my wife and knew I was Student Pastor. Both Josh and I didn't want to call each other or get together. I remember Josh saying "I thought it would be just a couple guys sitting around talking about Sunday School curriculum." That first day was crazy how we really connected on a deep level. I would have asked him out if he were girl and I were single.

Over the last three years I have simply cherished my friendship with him. Not only do we see the same world, but we also see the same Jesus, which makes our relationship that much more easier. Josh honestly makes me a better person and minister. There is no other way to put it, really. He is one of the handful of GREAT friends I have, and I'm thankful every time I spend time with him.

I know I'm not losing his friendship, as a matter of fact it might just be a bit easier to be friends now. But, I'm losing seeing him everyday. I'm losing leading him in worship and seeing him surrender his voice, his body, and his heart to Jesus. I'm losing sitting next to him in staff meetings and instant messaging funny things back and forth on our laptops. I'm going to miss a lot about Josh.

I have one consolation, though. All of those things that I'm going to miss, I'm going to miss them for a reason ... because I had the opportunity to experience them. I've gotten to have a great friend who totally loved me and opened himself to becoming my friend.

At the end of the Shawshank Redemption, the main character Andy escapes from a prison he didn't belong inside. His friend, Red, is reflecting upon the loss of his friend Andy when he says "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend."

I love Josh and will miss my friend greatly. So fight on Josh; fight on.

Fear.

2008-08-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

When I was little kid, night time was scary time. I don't know if I ever claimed to see monsters. I don't know if the boogey man ever visited my room. What I do know is that I dealt with some of the most serious life issues man has to deal with: the imminence of death, the uncertainty of relationships, and the fragility of our health and lives.

I think it would be odd to be a parent and get woke up in the middle of the night by a six-year-old who then spends the rest of the night trying to figure out death with you.

Those things that are uncertain evoke responses within our hearts. Physiologists say that these instincts are built into us and are informed from a very young age. I think that our responses to uncertainty are decision that flows out of the posture of our heart.

As I've grown older, I began to see that fear comes where faith doesn't ... that where faith is fear cannot reside. In the end, uncertainty is an opportunity to trust Jesus even more.

We are all going to face those moments filled with uncertainty. Some of those moments will put the most precious and secure things in our lives in jeopardy, but in the end, we're all better for placing Jesus in the middle of it and letting him lift us up.

After all, it is His elevator.

The Umbrella.

2008-08-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

A good friend of our pastor is fond of saying "You have to get under what God has put over you, so that you can get over what God has put under you."

I've been reminded about that a few times this week. Culturally, rebellion is idolized. Those who blaze their own paths and shake off the standards of the guard are heros. Even Jesus is often seen as a rouge prophet who rebelled against the religious establishment of his day. Jesus, however, is the head of the church, and lived a life constantly in submission to the will of the Father.

Its significant to know that many people struggle with submitting to authority in our world today.

Submission isn't an issue of trusting a leader.

Its really an issue of trusting Jesus.

I want to live under that umbrella of Jesus. I want to submit to him and let him shield me through his wisdom and guidance. I want to live under the umbrella of the leadership in our church, and be blessed by their insight and shepherding.

I want to be faithful in these things. We all know there are things to overcome in life, and its a lot more difficult to climb when it's raining.

Health Update

2008-08-01T15:15:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was at the doctor's office for a follow-up on my blood work. They took some blood to test my liver functioning again, since it had been four weeks since the first test.

The doctor called me this morning to let me know that the test results came back normal.

These test results mean that I do not have anything wrong with me. I am healthy, and health is a gift that we must be stewards of. I am learning this now, and I thank Jesus that I have that opportunity.

My Uncle Sandy

2008-07-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

This past Monday I traveled to North Carolina to be by my father's side at the loss of his brother, my uncle Sandy. Sandy was my father's older brother, just 58 years old. He was also my father's best friend. My father retired a few years ago and moved back to the place of his roots. Over the last few years he's gotten to experience life with his brother, and they loved each other deeply (even though they are two of the orneriest, macho men you could ever meet).

Sandy died Saturday while my sister-in-law's wedding was going on. The news was sad, but Sandy's health had been failing for while, so it was a tad expected. The viewing was Monday and the funeral was Tuesday.

Part of being there with my dad for the funeral was being around my extended family. Over the last several years I've spent some serious time diving into my family history, particularly extended family (grandparents and great-grandparents) and how they helped make me who I am. Most of that time, I've spent focusing on how they gave me the problems and struggles that I carry today. But, thats really only part of the story.

While I was there I saw family members that I haven't seen in years: Cousins, Aunts, & Uncles. Some of them looked remarkably older, most of them have children, but they've all grown up.

In them I saw something that I really haven't given much attention to: they love each other. You could see it in how they talked to each other, and to me (who many hadn't seen in a long time). You could hear the love in what they remembered about each other.

There is this beautiful section of writing in one of the Apostle Paul's letter's to the Corinthians where he talks about being someone who loves. In only the brilliance that he could share, he reminds us that you are nothing if you are not loved and do not love. He closes the chapter by reminding that for those who love and follow Jesus there are three postures of our heart that never change: faith, hope, and love. He closes by reminding that love is the greatest of these. You know, in the end, love really does win.

When my father walked out of the room after spending a few last minutes with the body of his brother he cried, bitterly. I was reminded then that my father has this beautiful gift of loving completely. I've never wondered if he loved me. I've never doubted it. It was always there. I admire that about him, and it's something he taught me to do.

If there was something to hang your hat on in a family, I guess thats just about as good place as any, to love each other, because, in the end, love outlasts a multitude of other pursuits and is far more valuable.

Banksy

2008-07-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

Recently I discovered an artist that I've really fallen in love with. His name is Banksy. He is an obscure British graffiti artist who lives in anonymity and makes some of the sweetest art ever in the most ridiculous places.

Here are some of the pictures I shared with our church on Sunday:

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Update on my medical condition:

Since the ultrasound came back clear, the doctor is going to continue to monitor my blood work for a while. It is certain that I do not have cancer, hepititus, or some of the other deadly causes of the raised levels. At this time I continuing to pray for normal results in my next blood test. I've taken all the procautions I can ... I am eating good and I'm working out. So, grace is still amazing and I'm looking forward to praising Jesus when this is over.

Grace. Revisited.

2008-07-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

This past week my wife, Amanda, and I were on vacation. It was a whirlwind tour that took us through Ohio for a wedding, a couple days with our parents in rural North Carolina, and then two stops in costal towns along the North Carolina coast. It was romantic, refreshing, and restful.

Vacations always provide an opportunity for me to grow, personally. Whether it is marital conflict or dealing with financial problems or distance management of a ministry ... vacations have always seemed to have provided a significant amount of conflict, both relationally and internally.

I suppose this year wouldn't be vacation without such tension.

Our first official day of vacation, Monday, brought a call from my doctor in response to blood work from a physical I had the week before. The tests showed that something wasn't right inside of me, something very serious. There was no diagnosis or even a hint of diagnosis in the phone call. There was no doctor with a chart and a prescription. There was just the lingering knowledge that something inside my body wasn't right.

For the first time in my life, I had to process through a scenario where my body could be failing me. I thought about death and dying, about how I had mistreated myself through eating too much and not working out like I should, and about how irreplaceable health is.

I wanted to relax. I wanted to vacation. I got that gift instead.

I also started reading a new book over vacation. It's not a quick read by any means, which normally means its something that I'll love. I love when people make things complicated. I love reading books that split hairs and draw conclusions. However, this book isn't one of this books.

This book is about grace.

I forget about grace a lot. I forget how expensive it was. It was so expensive it cost God his only Son, Jesus. I forget how expensive it was and try to pay for it a lot. I try to be good enough. I try to work hard an earn the favor.

I try. But I fail.

I fail.

Grace is simply getting something you did not earn and you do not deserve. Life through Jesus is something I do not deserve. It is certainly something I cannot earn.

This week was a week of grace. Throughout the week I began to hear the voice of the Savior earnestly reminding me that it is His worth and work that makes me right. That I am eternally bound to him as Redeemer.

Throughout the week it felt as though the knots of selfishness, pride, and fear were loosened inside my head as I began to re-experience His grace.

This grace really is amazing.

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A medical explanation of my report:

There are two enzymes that naturally occur in your blood from your liver. They are called ALT and AST. When these levels are increased it means that there has been damage to your liver. The normal levels for these enzymes are between 10-60; mine were around 180, more than double the normal amounts.

There are several things that could cause this: gaining weight and having fat deposits in your lives, the onset of Hepatitis A or B, medications can do this as a side effect, or it could be cancer.

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An update on my medical condition:

On Monday I had an ultra-sound of my internal organs. They were looking for everything from abnormalities to tumors, to enlargements in my lymphatic system. It was very stressful.

On Wednesday morning I received a call from the Doctor. Everything is clear, and my insides looked completely normal. This is a huge answer to prayer.

I will go in a couple of weeks and have my blood checked again. In the meantime I am recommitting myself to my health and thanking Jesus for the opportunity to do so.

The Renascent Journal

2008-07-07T18:06:00.000-07:00

Several new journal entries have been posted at t heRenascent.com ... read and enjoy.

Independence.

2008-07-06T19:53:00.001-07:00

On July 4th 1776, a group of leaders joined together to authorize the publication of a declaration sent to the King of England. These leaders joined together to stand against the reign of King and a political system that epitomized tyranny and exploitation.

They banded together around ideas that had been born years earlier. Ideas that would revolutionize our world. Ideas that would change the way governments were ran and how the average person in our world experienced life.

While these ideas originated in the Enlightenment with men like John Locke years before, they came to a head in this document with words like: "We hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, and that among them are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

This document would declare the thirteen American colonies independent of England and free from the rule of this tyrant king.

Signing this declaration would most certainly warrant a death sentence from the King and his regime. This group of leaders banded together and joined in with their signatures to begin this revolutionary move of independence.

The leader of the group is credited with the first signature to be applied to the completed document. His name is John Hancock, and if you ever get to look at photo of the Declaration of Independence (or the real document itself), you will immediately notice that his signature is five times larger than the others. It was a bold statement of commitment, total commitment, to a cause much larger than himself.

I thought about this moment this past weekend. And I thought about our church. I thought about the leaders that Jesus has given me the privilege to work with and how we are all engaged in a similar fight for independence. I thought about how bold they are in their commitment to this move of independence, and how much many of them have given to advance it. I wanted to take a moment and publicly thank them for that:

Bob Morgan. Bob has given up so much in life to do what he does in ministry. He freely gives of his time, above and beyond what's expected, his energy, and his passion. Bob has walked through some difficult places personally, and he always finds a way to try to make you smile, no matter what he's going through. He's courageous and dedicated. I thank Jesus for Bob's commitment and courage.

Linda Roberts. Linda is remarkably invested in our church. There is nothing that she does not care about in church and nothing that she thinks we cannot do. She's one of the few leaders that whenever she's approached with a new idea for ministry, her mind starts turning on how to make it happen. She is remarkably capable and dedicated, never looking at something as above or below her. I'm thankful to Jesus for Linda's investment in our ministry, because she constantly lives out Jesus through her dedication.

Josh Walters. Josh was a friend of mind before I came to our church. He is one of the most genuine and loving guys I've ever met. He is also a remarkable minister. He has a gift for contextualizing Jesus into a relationship or a moment or a talk or a service. He has a passion for his Savior, for his students, and for his Family. He always tries. He is also one of the most giving men I've ever met: he's helped me move, helped me build a fence, let me borrow his stuff, etc. I've told Josh repeated that he makes me better, not just at doing what I do but being who I am. I'm really thankful to Jesus for Josh, his friendship and who he is as a man.

Kathy Tetreault. Kathy is one of our worship leaders. She is gifted beyond belief. She can literally hear a song and determine the key and chord progression simply by ear. She's passionate about music and passionate about serving Jesus. Kathy has chosen to stick it out during times when there was a lot of change around her. She is constantly willing to form new friendships and help teach those around her. She is remarkably faithful and helpful to me, personally, with our worship program. I am thankful to Jesus for Kathy's dedication and service.

Greg Dowey. Our Senior Pastor is one of the most passionate men I've ever worked around. He is passionate about Jesus, because he constantly returns to Jesus' words to affirm both our practice as a church and our vision. He is passionate about the bible; he always uses the bible as a standard for our beliefs, our practice, and our vision. He is passionate about prayer; he gets to work early every morning and prays long before the rest of us show up. He is passionate about giving; you could never know all the ways that our pastor gives to our church and to others ... I've seen portions and am amazed. Our pastor is passionate about grace; he is always faithful to view a difficult moment through the lens of the cross. I love that he quietly teaches us how to love our families and how to laugh. I love that he never takes himself too seriously. I thank Jesus for our Pastor's passion and ask that Jesus would share a little bit of that passion with the rest of us. I also thank Jesus for who our pastor is as a person.

Be reminded: our community needs independence from tyrants, the tyrants of sin and self, and we are joined boldly together to spread to them the message of freedom that Jesus has offered us through his cross.

Please join with me in praying for these men and women as they lead the way. Often leading is full of difficulty and danger. However, I know them and they're not backing down. So, also pray that God advances His message of freedom in our community as we boldly declare it.

Grace. [period]

2008-06-10T16:59:00.000-07:00

Below is the best short film I've ever seen. I encourage you to watch it ... all fifteen minutes of it.

It's a true account out of one of my hometowns, Summerville, SC, that contains all the elements to make it remarkably meaningful to me: story, adversity, a sports team doing something that's never been done, and commitment to a vision that was bigger than anything they'd ever believed on their own.

When I watch this film I'm reminded of what brings about the life of Jesus inside of us. It's not our worth, because we have all fallen hopelessly short of the best Jesus wants for us. It's not our efforts for good, because even when our efforts seem to be at the best we most often become infected with a pride about how right we've become.

It's obviously not something I've done. It's what Jesus did, the most simplistically complicated truth in all of human existence: that a Savior gave himself over to a cross to bear the weight of all the sin of mankind and that, somehow, that work alone is what makes me good.

When Jesus looks at me, much like the fallen coach Mulkey who constantly believed the impossible and improbable, he sees the best when I can sometimes only see my worst. I look at myself and call me "sinner". Jesus looks at me and calls me "clean".

That is grace. [period]

Itchy [part 3]

2008-06-02T08:54:00.000-07:00

My face is itchy.

I haven't shaved in a week, and I have significant amounts of stubble on the surface of my face. The stubble is uncomfortable and rather vindictive. I find often that it tries to tangle itself in zippers and Velcro to which I come in contact with. All of this is surprising to me, as I am in an unplanned, unanticipated process of growing a beard.

Giving birth to something is painful and costly.

The beard is costing me itchiness and discomfort. It is constantly costing me focus as it offers me a bit of distraction. It is costing me something, but hopefully the cost will give birth to something.

In the same way, there is a cost associated with following Jesus. Its difficult and trying, however, there is reward as our following Him does produce real and authentic life.

So if you're itching ... just know it might mean you're growing and changing (or you might just need some lotion).

confessions [round 1]

2008-05-30T20:43:00.000-07:00

1. i made and ate four fried bologna sandwiches for lunch.

2. i haven't mowed my yard in two weeks. (my wife said "its been longer than that")

3. i enjoy beverages too much.

4. i still haven't found what i'm looking for.

5. i miss my friend josh baldwin. he's been recording a cd for the past few months.

6. i use those moist wipes to clean my butt when i go number two.

7. i still think bathroom humor is funny. i got in trouble for that when i taught middle school.

8. i am now thirty years old. statistically, life is almost half over.

9. i hate grammar and all its conventions, and i hate people who correct peoples grammar in casual conversation.

10. i miss coaching football.

11. i love playing video games. tonight it was bowling on the wii sports.

12. i got so sunburned at the beach a week ago that i literally peeled all the skin under my shirt. that was itchy and gross all at the same time.

13. i want to look like mike barrett when I grow up.

14. there are only two television shows i'm fond of: house & the office.

15. my dad is still one of my heros. i painted a wall and framed pictures of my heros to hang on it in my office at work, but it's incomplete without pictures of me and my dad.

16. sometimes i'm amazed at how far i've come. most of the time i'm frustrated by how far i still need to go.

17. i think my wife is absolutely beautiful and i really want to be the best husband i can be for her.

18. john piper wrote that every moment is an opportunity to look backwards at your past with thanks and forward at the future with faith ... i think i look backwards with regret and forward with worry way too much.

19. our cat scoots her butt on the carpet after she goes number two.

20. i'm thankful that i met jesus, that he's leading me, and that he's kept me.

Agree to Disagree.

2008-05-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have been meeting together with a few friends of mine for the past few months and processing together what it means to be a follower of Jesus. We have all studied and prayed and fought through the resistance. We have all wanted to stop and quit, but most of us have persevered. In the end, we're better for it.

Last night in our time together one of my very thoughtful friends asked about submission, a very central Christian discipline. She asked about the difference between submission and obedience, which I think is such a central question to me, personally.

As followers, we are called to be submissive ultimately to Jesus. Life on the elevator is all about following Jesus and not me. Submission is the central recognition of that truth and practically works out through me following Jesus in every area of life.

But there is a difference between obedience and submission. The difference is agreement. I obey when I agree that the request is good. I submit when I follow even though I don't agree.

I'll let you in on a little secret about me: I follow really well. I really don't struggle with obedience; when I agree ... it's easy. However, when I don't agree with Jesus, there's something broken within me that fights against following.

I love the TV show "The Office" that stars Steve Carell as Michael Scott. Michael is an overbearing, arrogant, insensitive, and socially-awkward manager of a regional office products sales force. In one very hilarious show, Michael is confronted about his often over the top jokes and how offensive they are in an office environment. He debates back and forth with his manager and a lawyer and finally concludes "Agree to disagree." He walks away unfazed and continues in his tasteless behavior.

So many times I find myself in a debate with Jesus. I know my inclination and know his mandate. I know that as Lord, I am supposed to give the authority to run my life over to Jesus. I know this in my head, but something fights against that. All too often my behavior declares: "Agree to disagree", as I move on to do my own thing.

Submission is for moments when we normally would "agreed to disagree".

As followers of Jesus we are called into places where we will not agree with Jesus, where our experience and our inclination will lead us distinctly away from the path He holds for our lives.

It is in those places where we are called to submit our wills, our hearts, and our lives to a Savior whose work liberates us from not just sin and death, but all too often, ourselves and our way.

anxious.

2008-05-19T19:14:00.000-07:00

I normally like to start these with a cool story. When I do it makes me feel better about what I'm saying and it helps me remember something that happened to me in a new light. I normally like to do that. Not tonight.

So let me start this one in a very conservative, bible-teacher, kind of churchy way; let me begin this conversation with a scripture:

Philippians 4:4-9 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

You see, my friends, today I feel anxious. For some seasons in life my mind does a bad job managing stress. This is one of those seasons. Every little thing is a new reason to worry. My email wont work ... worry. I can't get ahold of this company ... worry. I get fearful that all those crappy thoughts and fears in my head will be exposed ... worry.

My dad used to worry a lot about me. I can't blame him. I got hurt every five minutes. If I was running in the street and he yelled out "Don't run in the street ... you might ..." I had already fallen. But his worry was pervasive. It really encompassed everything about me. I know it was because he loved me, but it was often overbearing and controlling. Again any father who saw their child suffer the way my father saw me deserves the right to be overbearing, but overbearing it was none-the-less.

You see when I read the scripture above I'm reminded why I am anxious. Its a problem that permeates my life. I'm not in control.

You see the writer says "don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." That attitude represents distinct trust in Jesus. It recognizes that we, no matter how hard we try, are not in control.

So tonight ... I bow my head humbly to the Lord Jesus Christ and try to give these cares and worries over to him. Tonight I can be thankful that I don't have to worry about it, because Jesus does the work of redemption and these light and momentary afflictions are gaining a great harvest of righteousness for me.

This is a testimony of my brokenness, which, in turn, is a testimony of Jesus' completeness.

And tonight ... I fix my thoughts on Jesus, who is noble, righteous, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.

And tonight, I'm thankful that I get to go through this. Life could be easy, but what would the sunshine mean without the rain.

Itchy Part II

2008-05-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

Several blogs ago I posted the now infamous "itchy" blog, a short and sweet analysis of a common, pervasive situation we all face. It was meant to set up this discourse. So, please read on.

While the "itchy" blog was a bit gross and humorous (if only to a small segment of the population), the comments I've received personally in response to it go to prove my point: there are ugly things inside all of us that we don't want to talk about or have known.

We all have itches. Most of us choose to hide them.

Thoreau wrote once that "all men lead lives of quiet desperation" (Walden, 1854). The paradox of community, commonality, and corruption is that most of us share the same burdens. If we chose to walk through them together, then the burden would be lighter and the path to wholeness shorter. Those who have went through AA or Celebrate Recovery can testify to this. But for those who only bear their sufferings quietly in solitude, life can be relentless torture, filled with longing and desperation for wholeness and intimacy.

There is a book in the bible entitled Deuteronomy which was written to the whole of the nation of Israel with the sole purpose to remember their journey together under the direction of Moses. It was about their common experiences: their rescues and their failures. Somehow, in the commonality of the book, the community found wholeness and redemption. The book ends by recording Israelites preparing to capture, together, what they failed to accomplish in the beginning of the story ... the promise of God.

We all have itches.

If "scratching only makes it worse" (Josh Baldwin), then let us be reminded that the best remedy for our ugly sores is nothing more than exposure and light.

We are reminded in the last book of the bible how we overcome:

1. Through the blood of the Lamb, the work of Jesus on the cross

2. And through the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11).

We all have itches. Don't be ashamed of yours ... it is your testimony.

Willie Nelson's Guitar

2008-05-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

I openly admit that I love Willie Nelson. He is iconic. Although Willie's life personally stands for sustained, open rebellion, his artistry is vast and significant. His music is simple, typically a simple acoustic instrument: either a piano or an acoustic guitar, a few rhythm instruments (some drums and a bass), and a simple melody instrument (my favorite is the harmonica in Willie songs).

I particularly like watching Willie in concert. Willie has this archaic stage presence. He's not quite as shaky as Ozzy, but he's definitely become a little more frail through age. Willie's band is an unfortunate gig, since Willie is the main attraction. He definitely steals the stage with his long hair and obnoxiously wide guitar straps. Willie steals the stage with his guitar as well.

Willies guitar is iconic too. Many of you know it when I mention it. His guitar is gaped with holes from wear and tear over the years. When Willie takes the stage, this guitar defines him a little more clearly, this guitar with worn holes and obvious defects. It's amazing that such a great musician, with vast resources (even though the IRS obviously took quite a bit of those resources) would choose to be defined with an item that has such wear.

The other day I looked down at my guitar to notice that it too, has started to show some of the wear that Willie's guitar has. I do not have holes in my guitar yet, but the years of use are definitely wearing on the guitar.

Life does that to us, doesn't it? Over time, without notice or awareness, life just happens to us. We look down one day, and we notice that which was new and pristine has tarnished and is now used.

Sometimes the wear is because of abuse. My guitar has nicks and damage from times when I've abused it. Some of us have nicks and damage from abuse. Some of the abuse has been what other's have done to us, but if we're honest, most of it came from what we choose, when we abused ourselves.

Sometimes wear is natural. Some of the wear on my guitar, you can notice, is wear from use. Life by it's very nature requires energy and investment to proceed. This investment will wear you down.

Some times when we step back and we see ourselves as we truly are, we realize that we're playing life with Willie's guitar. Some of us need rest, some need recovery. All of us need Jesus; because he makes all things new.

itches.

2008-05-06T19:24:00.000-07:00

do you ever have itches that are annoying, persistent, moist in nature, perhaps located in unsightly, inconvenient places? ........ well, apparently i'm not the only one.

shrubbery

2008-05-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

Today my father drove three hours to plant some shrubs for me. He worked hard in the South Carolina sun for over six hours planting them (almost twenty shrubs in all). He dug the holes by hand, no modern machinery today; my dad's always been that way. He dug the holes, planted the shrubs, and taught me how to take care of each one (his college degree is in forestry).

He always amazes me in times like that.

Seriously, if you met my dad, you'd probably think that he is an butt, because, well, for the most part, he can be. Often he's rude, insensitive, impatient, overbearing, and just plain old grumpy. But, to me, his son. There's a whole different person exposed. He caring, considerate, helpful, giving, and most of all ... he's loving. My father is loving in ways that I can't really express; he hugs me and he's never been too much of a man to tell me that he "loves me".

Its funny how words like "but" change everything.

I was living a very typical life, chasing everything the world values and holds dear. But then ... but then Jesus happened to me. Until then, Jesus seemed distant, obscure, and difficult, but then I met Him. My life seemed pointless and meaningless, but then Jesus gave life purpose ... purpose in everything from checkout lines at WalMart to the way I drive my car.

If you look hard, sometimes you can find Jesus in the shrubbery and "buts".

tidbits

2008-04-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

I totally love roast beef sandwiches with cheddar cheese on some wheat bread.

I am diggin' on the new Generation Unleashed worship CD.

I'm feeling refreshed after a very productive day out of the office.

I love how clean my carpets are. I'm kind of a neat freak.

I'm planting new shrubs with my father this Friday in front of my house, a very ambitious undertaking.

I'm trying to plan our summer vacation and it just isn't falling together easily.

I like Led Zeppelin.

I enjoy coffee way too much, especially espresso made on the stove-top.

I'm kinda tired of guessing how cold or hot it's gonna be each day. I want to wear shorts and flip-flops with confidence.

I have a tooth that hurts all the time. I need to get that looked into.

This weekend, we're doing a drama at church that should be amazing and emotional and I have to sing all the way through it. I'm afraid I might cry.

My parents are amazing. My mom came to visit this past Sunday. Some blessings can never be over-stated.

I started eating Peanut M&Ms the other day, after I committed to not eat any sweets for three months. I had to get back on the wagon ... it was a difficult climb.

I love the TV Show "House". House is a jerk, a horrible boss, an addict, a manipulator, a pervert, an atheist, and everything else that's bad in the world except ... he's got remarkable conviction. I wish I operated with that kind of conviction in Jesus.

I love sunny days with no clouds in the sky ... the sun makes everything feel ok.

I love it when my wife gets home ... how she still has to kiss me first, even if she has to pee really bad.

I love it how, in small ways everyday, I'm reminded that Jesus is all I really need.

Dirty.

2008-04-24T07:37:00.000-07:00

I grew up in suburban Charleston, with houses right next door and dirty city air. My family often escaped to a vacation home my parents owned in North Carolina, and when we did, we found ourselves in wide open space, which is extremely exciting to a ten year old boy.

There was this time when my sister and I, as children, were riding bikes on my parent's property in North Carolina. A large hill emptied itself into a stream, and my father had cut out a trail on the hill: straight down from the top, into the puddles of the stream below.

It began really innocently, fast and furious down the hill, through the mud, and back up again. The mud began to accumulate, and when we came back up to the cabin on the property, my parents had to hose us off. We were covered in mud.

There are moments in life where we're reminded of how dirty we are. Sometimes it comes immediately, but sometimes we've been playing in the mud for quite a while before we realize it.

Jesus calls us to be clean. There is no doubt about that. His standard is spotless. His standard is perfection. And we are faced with the reality that we are not meeting and cannot meet that standard.

Today is one of those days for me. It's not an easy feeling, or a pleasant one. But, in the long run, this is one of those realities that draws me to Jesus.

I often think of this ride I took with my youth pastor several years after I had graduated. My youth pastor, Jerry, was instrumental in communicating Jesus to me in a way that impacted my life. I had never known Jesus before as wanting to change me; I only thought He was changing where I went. Jerry was about as much like Jesus as I could imagine. While we were riding Jerry sighed "You know, the longer I follow Jesus the more I'm convinced of how rotten and sinful I am and how much I need Him."

I'm glad that I'm reminded of how dirty I am occasionally. I'm glad, because it reminds me of how much I truly need Jesus.

_________________________________________

Listening to: Aqualung "Pressure Suit"

Cold Medicine.

2008-04-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

Pollen is out in full force. If you lived in the southeastern portion of the United States, you would understand this. My black Volkswagen is now distinctly lime green. This is quite troubling, especially if your nose doesn't get along well with pollen, as mine chooses to do.

I wish the two could make up: the nose could somehow make nice with the pollen, but inevitably it's not gonna happen. Every year when my car changes color, my nose gets mad at the pollen. One would think that a nose is not quite picky about the color of a car, but apparently mine has such appetites.

During the seasons where my car changes colors, I am forced to take cold medicine. Cold medicine is something just shy of crack to me. When I take it, it's a crap shoot as to the effects. I can be lightheaded. I could be moody. I might be really happy or unbelievably depressive. Today, I am neither, a bit indifferent.

I was just sitting here noticing that I was feeling this way, and when I say feeling this way I am referring to a distinct feeling. Have you ever noticed that your moods, attitudes, and even decisions are being motivated by your feelings? I notice that frequently.

A few moments ago I was going down this inward, depressive road that I can sometimes go, and I realized, "I took some cold medicine this morning." I was immediately relieved. I was off the hook of that ugly depressive path.

It's moments like these that I am reminded that we need to be anchored into something bigger than ourselves, grounded by something thats outside of ourselves, and guided by something with a larger perspective than ourselves.

Yet again, another reason I'm thankful for Jesus. He reminds me that I just took cold medicine this morning and I need to eat some lunch. He reminds me that peace is not something I have, it's something He is. And He is with me.

So, I'm gonna straight up drink some OJ, take this cold medicine, and trust Jesus with it all.

Listening To: "Who You Are" The Cary Brothers.

Stoked About: Working on my book tonight.

Evenings.

2008-04-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight I cooked steaks for dinner, took a bath (remember on Friends ... the one where Chandler takes a Bath), and watched a movie in bed with my wife. Really, could life get any better? I submit that it could not.

Sometimes its just nice to be reminded again of what's important.

the Elevator.

2008-04-21T07:31:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to live life on the elevator.

Elevators are automated devises that carry you upward (and maybe downward once they have already delivered you to your prior point of interest).

Once on the elevator, you don’t really do anything to move, except possibly press a button. Upon pressing the previously mentioned button, you are hurled seamlessly in an upward direction with a distinct amount of force, thrusting you in the aforementioned upward direction.

Jesus is an elevator.

He does the work to take my life beyond what it is normally.

Grace is extended with each floor that is passed, with each victory that is won.

So … I’m trying to live life in the elevator.